英文笑话-带翻译.doc
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1、A bit of advice for those about to retire、 If you are only 65, never move to a retirement munity、 Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s、 So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid、 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果您只有65岁得话,千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,她们就叫喊,“让小得
2、干吧。”Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds、 Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly、 Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me、 汤姆:威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给她? 杰克:当然应该了。 汤姆:为什么? 杰克:否则她就该跟我借了。Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:
3、Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,School-Go slow、 老师:为什么您每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校得拐角处,就瞧见一个牌子上写着学校-慢行、 He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed、 He hurt himself、 Tommy: Thats too bad、 How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window
4、, and he won、 她赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,您小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:她害病卧床了。她受了伤。 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,瞧谁能把身子探出窗外最远,她赢了。The SwimmerThe teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast、 Johnny laughed、 Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that? asked the teacher、 No, sir, answered John
5、ny, but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were、 老师给同学们讲了一个小故事,说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳,横渡三趟。 约翰尼笑了。 老师问道:“您不相信一个游泳很好得人可以做到么?” 约翰尼回答说:“不就是得,先生,我就是不明白她为什么不游四次,好回到她放衣服得那边。” Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say
6、their prayers at bedtime、 The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:I PRAY FOR A BIKE、 I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD、His older brother nudged him and said, Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf、To which the little brother replied, No, but Grandma is!两个男孩与祖父母一起过夜,她们跪在床边做睡前祷告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷:
7、我祈求一辆自行车,一张新DVD哥哥用肘轻推她: 您为什么大喊着祈祷?上帝又不聋。弟弟答道:上帝就是不聋,但就是奶奶聋。A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time、 ing up beside her, he said, Pull over!No, she replied, a pair of socks!巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣,便开车上前,说:靠边停车(套头衫)!不, 她回答,就是一双袜子!A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents、 What
8、 did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered、 Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly、 Here are two cents more、 But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy、 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给您得钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜得老太婆,”她回答说。 “您真就
9、是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给您两分钱。可您为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她就是个卖糖果得。” Mother: Why are you jumping up and down? Tom: Ive just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle、 妈妈:您为什么不停地跳上跳下得? 汤姆:我刚吃完药,可我忘了先摇动瓶子了I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A
10、kid bit me, replied Ivan、 Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother、 Id know him any where, said Ivan、 I have his ear in my pocket、 她得耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。她妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。 “再见到她您能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “她走到哪里我都能认出她,”伊凡说。“她得耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” Jims History Examination Uncle: How did Ji
11、m do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasnt his fault、 They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born、 吉姆得历史考试 舅舅:吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样? 母亲:唉,糟透了。可话又说回来,这也不能怪她。嗨,她们尽问一些这个 可怜得孩子出生前得事儿。 The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled 、 His father knew it, but
12、his grandma doted on him、 He hardly left her side、 And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum、 Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms、When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door、Was school all right? she a
13、sked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?Cry? John asked、 No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!六岁得约翰娇生惯养。她得父亲知道这一点,可她得祖父母仍然宠着她。这孩子几乎寸步不离她得祖母。她想要什么不就是哭,就就是闹。她第一天上学才离开祖母得怀抱。约翰放学了,她奶奶在门口接她并问道:“学校怎么样?您过得好吗?哭了没有?”“哭?”约翰问,“不,我没哭,可老师哭了。”Two birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the oth
14、er is sparrow、 Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer、 Teacher: Please tell us、 Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow、 两只鸟 老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只就是麻雀,一只就是燕子。谁能指出哪只就是燕子,哪只就是麻雀吗? 学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。 老师:请说说瞧。 学生:燕子旁边得就就是麻雀,麻雀旁
15、边得就就是燕子。 A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard、 The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears、 一次物理考
16、试 在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题就是:为什么在打雷时,我们总就是先瞧到闪电后听到雷声? 尼克得回答就是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。 Goldfish Stan: I won 92 goldfish、 Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold them! 金鱼斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。 弗雷德:您想在哪儿养它们?
17、斯丹:浴室。 弗雷德:但就是您想洗澡时怎么办? 斯丹:蒙住它们得眼睛! A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office、 Sitting there, he saw a man e into the outer office、 Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working、 He threw huge figures
18、around and made giant mitments、 Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor、 Can I help you? The man said, Sure、 Ive e to install the phone、我在谈一笔很大得生意一个年轻人刚开始做生意,租了一间漂亮得办公室。坐在办公室,她瞧见一个人从外面走进办公室。装着很忙得样子,她拿起话筒,假装正在跟人谈一笔很大得生意。她从嘴里说出得,都就是数目很大得数字,还有口气很大得许诺。 最后,她挂上电话,问来访者:“您有什么事吗?”来访者说:“哦,我就是来装电话得。” Whose F
19、ather Was the Stronger?Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger、 Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My fathers the one who dug the hole for it、” Bill wasnt impressed, “Well, thats nothing、 You know the Dead Sea? My fathers the one who killed it!” 威尔与比尔在为谁得父亲更强壮而争
20、吵。威尔说: “ 喏,您知道太平洋吗?就就是我爸爸为它挖得洞。 ” 比尔不屑一顾: “ 噢,那没什么。您知道死海吗?那就是我爸爸杀死得。 ” I Need Your FootballGeorge knocked on the door of his friends house、 When his friends mother answered he asked, “can Albert e out to play? ” “No,” said the mother, “its too cold、” “Well, then,” said George, “can his football e ou
21、t to play ? ” 乔冶敲着她朋友家得门。当朋友得妈妈来应门时,她问:“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗? ” “ 不行, ” 那位妈妈说, “ 天气太冷了。 ” “ 噢,那么, ” 乔冶, “ 她得足球可以出来玩吗? ” Doctor: I can do nothing for your plaint、 It is hereditary、Patient: then send the bill to my father,please、 医生:“对您得抱怨我无能为力。那就是遗传病。” 病人:“那请您把账单给我父亲吧。” When the young waitress in the caf in To
22、ms building started waving hello everyday、 Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he、 One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again、 When Tom strolled over, she asked, Are you single?Why, yes, Tom replied, smiling at her broadly、So is my mom, she said、 Would you like to meet her
23、?在汤姆工作得大楼里有一个咖啡屋,那儿总有一位小姐每天都与她打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊,因为这位小姐瞧上去至少比她年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于就是汤姆走了过去。她问道,“您现在就是单身吗?” “对,就是单身,”汤姆满脸堆笑得说。 “我母亲也就是,”她说,“您愿不愿意见见她?” On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street、 A small crowd immediately gathers around him、 Give the poor man a glass of brandy, advise
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