瘦人瘦相-That-lean-and-Hungry-look中英文对照.doc

瘦人瘦相 That lean and Hungry look中英文对照（今天在一本书发现的幽默美文，觉得很好，回来搜了贴出来）
来源： 高菲的日志
   作者：Susan Britt Jord   
    凯撒说得好。瘦子值得注意。我成年之后化了大半时光观察瘦子。对他们却没有产生丝毫喜爱之情。只要一群身形狭窄的人们向我走来，我全身都会颤栗。瘦子的性格千奇百怪，但他们的共同点是不讨人喜欢，爱挖苦人。他们有的是“全能超人”，不懂装懂，有的机械呆板，有的盛气凌人，有的喋喋不休，有的风风火火，急于求成。瘦子总让人感到危险。
   Caesar was right. Thin people need watching. I've been watching them for most of my adult life, and I don't like what I see. When these narrow fellows spring at me, I quiver to my toes. Thin people come in all personalities, most of them menacing. You've got your "together" thin person, your mechanical thin person, your condescending thin person, your tsk-tsk thin person, your efficiency-expert thin person. All of them are dangerous.
首先，瘦子沉闷乏味，缺乏幽默感。他们不懂得如何消闲，（甚至根本不知道消闲是什么）他们总是忙里忙外的。要是给他们一点时间喝咖啡小憩片刻，他们恐怕会绕着办公室慢跑两圈。要是让他们在家里安安静静的呆上一晚，他们会钉钉纱门，或用舌头舔贴绿贴画。他们爱说“白天太短了”之类的话。而胖子从不会有此类言辞，因为他们觉得白天实在长得不能再长了。
     In the first place, thin people aren't fun. They don't know how to goof off, at least in the best, fat sense of the word. They've always got to be adoing. Give them a coffee break, and they'll jog around the block. Supply them with a quiet evening at home, and they'll fix the screen door and lick S&H green stamps. They say things like "there aren't enough hours in the day." Fat people never say that. Fat people think the day is too damn long already.
     Thin people make me tired. They've got speedy little metabolisms that cause them to bustle briskly. They're forever rubbing their bony hands together and eyeing new problems to "tackle". I like to surround myself with sluggish, inert, easygoing fat people, the kind who believe that if you clean it up today, it'll just get dirty again tomorrow.
有人觉得我们活泼开朗的胖子不可理喻。像我们长着胖胖的脸蛋的人就应该神经兮兮，病怏怏，多愁善感。我不同意这种说法。胖子未必一整天都是乐呵呵的，尽管这样他们也比那些干瘪的瘦子活得开心得多。瘦子年纪轻轻就养成了一副坏脾气，变得苛刻，顽固。这是因为他们不知道吃个乳汁软糖冰激凌对缓解压力有多大的帮助。瘦子不爱甜软的食物，因为他们自己长得又干又硬，更别说甜美可爱了。他们既脆弱又无味，就像萝卜。他们一针见血，而胖子则喜欢糊里糊涂，顺其自然，按部就班。瘦子总是在挖掘真理，而胖子明白世上根本就不存在真理。我的一个瘦子朋友总是在解决那些错综复杂的棘手的难题，还说道，“关键在于。。。。。。”胖子从不那么说，因为任何事情都没有什么关键所在。

     Some people say the business about the jolly fat person is a myth, that all of us chubbies are neurotic, sick, sad people. I disagree. Fat people may not be chortling all day long, but they're a hell of a lot nicer than the wizened and shriveled. Thin people turn surly, mean and hard at a young age because they never learn the value of a hot-fudge sundae for easing tension. Thin people don't like gooey soft things because they themselves are neither gooey nor soft. They are crunchy and dull, like carrots. They go straight to the heart of the matter while fat people let things stay all blurry and hazy and vague, the way things actually are. Thin people want to face the truth. Fat people know that there is no truth. One of my thin friends is always staring at complex, unsolvable problems and saying, "The key thing is ..." Fat people never say things like that. They know there isn't any such thing as the key thing about anything.
瘦子相信逻辑：胖子看问题面面俱到。胖子看到的往往是模糊朦胧的一团乱麻，根本就没什么值得担心的。瘦子却在坚持：“如果你吸收的热量超过你消耗的热量”，我的一个瘦子朋友说道，“你就会变得更胖。”听了这些话，胖子总会咧嘴一笑，其实对此他们比谁都明白。
     Thin people believe in logic. Fat people see all sides. The sides fat people see are rounded blobs, usually gray, always nebulous and truly not worth worrying about. But the thin person persists, "If you consume more calories than you burn," says one of my thin friends, "you will gain weight. It's that simple." Fat people always grin when they hear statements like that. They know better.
Fat people realize that life is illogical and unfair. They know very well that God is not in his heaven and all is not right with the world. If God was up there, fat people could have two doughnuts and a big orange drink anytime they wanted it.
   瘦子总在对我滔滔不绝地讲一连串有逻辑的事情。他们每讲完一件，就伸一个指头记着，我就没法走神了。他们慢吞吞地讲话，好像把我当孩子一样。他们讲得那么多，而且漏洞百出。其中经常出现这些词句，比如“把握自己”，“吸烟有害健康”，：“胆固醇阻塞”，“体壮如牛”，“计划组织”，“合理管理财政”。

Thin people have a long list of logical things they are always spouting off to me. They hold up one finger at a time as they reel off these things, so I won't lose track. They speak slowly as if to a young child. The list is long and full of holes. It contains tidbits like "get a grip on yourself", "cigarettes kill", "cholesterol clogs", "fit as a fiddle", "ducks in a row", "organize", and "sound fiscal management." Phrases like that.
他们认为这份包括2000个要点的计划意味着幸福快乐。胖子却懂得幸福是难以捉摸的；就算他们具备了瘦子列出的所有条件，他们有不会稀罕。他们太明智了，看得清这种计划太无聊，太艰苦，太不实际。还不如一个奶酪蛋糕来的现实些。

     They think these 2000-point plans lead to happiness. Fat people know happiness is elusive at best and even if they could get the kind thin people talk about, they wouldn't want it. Wisely, fat people see that such programs are too dull, too hard, too off the mark. They are never better than a whole cheesecake.
  胖子理解生活的痛苦。他们珍惜夜晚的时光，好运气和自己的命运，不管明天怎样只管享受眼前。我认识一个瘦子，他建议我们在玩拼图的时候，按照形状，大小和颜色来讲，这样可以节省一半的时间。我可不愿那么干。第一，我喜欢糊里糊涂的做事情，第二，早早结束游戏有什么好处？第三，拼图本身并不重要，要紧的是享受四个人（包括那个瘦子）围着一张牌桌玩拼图的乐趣。那个朋友实在没有办法，只好出去给杨树填土解闷。三个胖子继续玩，还做了褐色的双层又甜又软的蛋糕祝拼图成功。
Fat people know all about the mystery of life. They are the ones acquainted with the night, with luck, with fate, with playing it by the ear. One thin person I know once suggested that we arrange all the parts of a jigsaw puzzle into groups according to size, shape and color. He figured this would cut the time needed to complete the puzzle by at least 50 per cent. I said I wouldn't do it. One, I like to muddle through. Two, what good would it do to finish early? Three, the jigsaw puzzle isn't the important thing. The important thing is the fun of four people (one thin person included) sitting around a card table, working a jigsaw puzzle. My thin friend had no use for my list. Instead of joining us, he went outside and mulched the boxwoods. The three remaining fat people finished the puzzle and made chocolate double-fudged brownies to celebrate.
瘦子最大的问题在于他们使人感到压抑。他们的野心勃勃，骨瘦嶙峋的身体，高速的节拍，干净利落的屋角，大脑的机械运作方式和当机立断像乌云一样笼罩着胖子那松弛，舒适，广阔，温馨的世界。胖子早已脱掉外套和鞋子，把脚翘到咖啡桌上的时候，瘦子却还一本正经地坐在沙发上，木头钉似的直挺着脊背谈论着丑女人。当胖子哈哈大笑，拍着大腿兴奋地欢呼时，瘦子却还在恭恭敬敬地寻找着关键词语。
The main problem with thin people is they oppress. Their good intentions, bony torsos, tight ships, neat corners, cerebral machinations and pat solutions loom like dark clouds over the loose, comfortable, spread-out, soft world of the fat. Long after fat people have removed their coats and shoes and put their feet up on the the coffee table, thin people are still sitting on the edge of the sofa, looking neat as a pin, discussing rutabagas. Fat people are heavily into fits of laughter, slapping their thighs and whooping it up, while thin people are still politely waiting for the punch line.
瘦子沉闷压抑。他们热爱数学，道德规范和对人类劣根性的理性评价。他们行为琐碎繁多，好辩论，好预测未来，好追根究底，还好攻击别人。
    Thin people are downers. They like math and morality and reasoned evaluation of the limitations of human beings. They have their skinny little acts together. They expound, prognose, probe and prick.
    Fat people are convivial. They will like you even if you're irregular and have acne. They will come up with a good reason why you never wrote the great American novel. They will cry in your beer with you. They will put your name in the pot. They will let you off the hook. Fat people will gab, giggle, guffaw, gallumph, gyrate and gossip. They are generous, giving and gallant. They are gluttonous and goodly and great. What you want when you're down is soft and jiggly, not muscled and stable. Fat people know this. Fat people have plenty of room. Fat people will take you in.
   胖子爱交际。就算你喜怒无常，或脸上长满痘子，他们还是一样地喜欢你。他们会给你一个理由，解释你为什么写不出美国最好看的小说。他们会与你一起借酒消愁。他们会把你放在心上，他们会帮你摆脱困境。胖子絮叨，傻笑，开怀大笑，打打闹闹，还好说闲话。但他们慷慨，宽容，讲义气。他们贪吃，爱臭美，简直是完美的。胖子懂得人伤心的时候需要好言相劝，而不是泼冷水，硬梆梆的敷衍。胖子心宽体胖，一定能容得下你。