writing1effectivesentences.ppt

Effective SentencesMarch 21th,2016Effective SentencesUnity CoherenceConcisenessEmphasisVarietyUnitySentences expressed in one complete ideaFaulty:born in a small town in South China in the early 50s,he grew up to be a famous musician.Revised:He was born in a small town in South China in the early 50s.In his childhood he liked to sing songs.Later he entered a conservatory.In the 70s he becamea famous musician.Faulty:Du Fu was one of the greatest poets.Revised:Du Fu was one of the greatest poets of the Tang period.CoherenceSentences stated in logic,explicit and unambiguous relationsFaulty:A man is judged not only by what he says but also by his deeds.Revised:A man is judged not only by what he says but also by what he does.A man is judged not only by his words but also by his deeds.Faulty:Looking out of the window,the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach.Revised:Faulty:An important thing for the student to remember is that when writing a paper,you should not plagiarize.Revised:Looking out of the window,he(she,I)can see the grassland stretching as far as the eye can reach.Outside the window,the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach.An important thing for the student to remember is thatWhen writing a paper,he should not plagiarize.ConcisenessIdeas clearly expressed in the minimum of wordsWordy:He gave many reasons for the failure,but the reasons he gave were not convincing.Concise:Wordy:In my opinion,I think your plan is feasible.Concise:He gave many reasons for the failure,but none of themwas convincing.In my opinion,your plan is feasible.I think your plan is feasible.Conciseness can sometimes be achieved by changing the sentence structure:Wordy:There was a pine tree that stood like a giant on the top of the mountain.It towered over the trees around it.Concise:The pine tree on the top of the mountain stood like agiant and towered over the trees around it.On the top of the mountain was a giant pine tree whichTowered over the trees around it.EmphasisSentences presented with the important ideas stressed.Original:No one can deny that the computer has had a great effect upon the business world.Improved:Undeniably,the effect of the computer upon the businessworld has been great.VarietySentences written in various forms or connected with conjunctions.A series of sentences of the same structure and length with the same noun or pronoun as the subjects produce monotony.It is often good to vary sentence structures and mix short and long,simple and compound or complex,loose and periodic sentences,so long as the meaning is properly expressed.Here is a paragraph that needs to be improved:He was born in a small village.His father was a teacher in the village school.His mother did the housework.He began to go to his fathers school at seven.He graduated from it six years later.Then he went to the junior middle school in a nearby town.He studied at a senior middle school in the county seat.He was a good student there.He got good marks at the college entrance examinations.He wanted to build a highway for his home village in future.He loved his village very much.Although all the sentences are correct and clear,they are all short,and the paragraph sounds quite monotonous.There is no variety in sentence structure and length,and only two of the 12 sentences have different subjects,the rest all beginning with he.The following version may be better:He was born in a small village.His father taught at the village school and his mother did the housework.He began to study at his fathers school at seven and six years later entered the junior middle school in a nearby town.After graduating from it he was admitted to a senior middle school in the county seat,where he proved to be a good student.He took the national college entrance examinations,got good marks in most subjects,and was able to enroll in a university in the provincial capital.As a major in civil engineering,he cherished the dream of building a highway for his home village,which he dearly loved.The following paragraph is monotonous in a different way:almost all the sentences are long and involved.The paragraph sounds too formal to suit the content,and the reader can hardly find a place to take a breath.Born into a village teachers family in a small village which was not marked on any map,Xiao Ming lived there until he graduated from the primary school where his father taught.After that he entered the junior middle school in a town about 20 li from his home,and he stayed there on weekdays without going home though he was only a little boy.Thus he had to look after himself and learn to do such things as buying food for himself in the canteen and washing his own clothes.When he finished the three years studies at this school,he moved further away from home to the county seat and studied at a senior middle school there for another three years and proved himself to be a good student.He took the national college entrance examinations and got high marks in most subjects,and because of this he was admitted to a university in the provincial capital.He decided to take a major in civil engineering,for one of his dreams was to build a highway for his village,which he dearly loved.The paragraph would read better if some of the long sentences were broken up and if the compound and complex sentences were mingled with other types of sentences.Xiao Ming was born in a small village which was not marked on any map.His father was a teacher in the village school.He never left the village until he graduated from that school and entered a junior middle school in a town 20 li from his home.On weekdays he had to live at school.Though still a little boy,he learned to look after himself-buying food in the canteen and washing his own clothes.Three years later he moved further away from home to the county seat to study at senior school there.He proved to be a good student.Having got good marks in most subjects in the national college entrance examinations,he entered a university in the provincial capital.He chose civil engineering as his major.For one of his dreams was to build a highway for his home village,which he dearly loved.There are certainly other ways of improving this passage with the same aim:to give the sentences more variety.Now let us read another passage with different types of sentences and see how they work:It is good that we produce energy and use machinery to take the burden of work from our shoulders,to warm us and cool us,go give us light,to transport us,and to make the things we eat,wear,and use.It is bad that in the process we pollute the world.Rivers and streams are becoming poisonous and lifeless.Birds are dying for lack of food.A noxious cloud is hanging over our cities that burns our lungs and reddens our eyes.Today pollution is a problem that draws the attention of all people,and effective measures are being taken to tackle it.The day will come when production is not accompanied by pollution.It is good that we produce energy and use machinery to take the burden of work from our shoulders,to warm us and cool us,go give us light,to transport us,and to make the things we eat,wear,and use.It is bad that in the process we pollute the world.Rivers and streams are becoming poisonous and lifeless.Birds are dying for lack of food.A noxious cloud is hanging over our cities that burns our lungs and reddens our eyes.Today pollution is a problem that draws the attention of all people,and effective measures are being taken to tackle it.The day will come when production is not accompanied by pollution.In the paragraph there are short and long sentences,simple,compound and complex sentences,and parallel sentences.As a result,the ideas they express are quite impressive.